Idiocracy

The anxious energy in the building invigorates all the senses.  The season tip-off is minutes away and the crowd is getting rowdy.  The horn blows and the teams gather for last minute instructions.   The intensity on the player’s faces reminds you it’s time for battle.  A few motivating words and the hands go in… “WHO ARE WE?” yells one of the blokes.  The rest of the team responds with a meaningful and loud “POWER.”  Like a pack of hungry wolves, the starters head to center court, eyeing the opposition.  I take a look around, breathe, close my eyes and take it all in.  Here we go again...  another season of professional basketball.

I open my eyes and look down.  A remnant of hubba bubba bubble gum stains my old brown dress shoes.  Reality sets in as I sit down on the bench and fold my arms.  My borrowed dress pants and team polo bunch up as I assume the old familiar position.  Tonight is a sort of throwback for me... to my days at NIACC.  Tonight I am the Assistant Men’s Basketball Coach... this time for the Gladstone “Port City” Power… my first professional coaching gig.  In all other situations I would be jubilant about the opportunity but this is not what I came here to do.  I came to play, but am not allowed because Israel refused to send my letter of clearance, which is needed to be eligible to play.  I am the old proverbial “shit out of luck.”  Well, for now at least.

Hey, here is a joke I recently heard… What’s the difference between An Idiot, A Moron, and an Israel Basketball Owner?  Nothing.  

Oh, where to begin… Let’s just say the past 2 weeks have been beyond frustrating.  As of this moment (5/13/2012), I am still not released by Israel to play in Australia.  What do you mean Zach?  They are two completely different leagues and two completely different countries, right?  Well yes, unless I was somehow tricked into traveling to a small Arabic village in Gaza called Australiaburg where people imitate the Aussie culture.  

I’ll try to explain the best I can but it may be a bit confusing.  It even confuses me and I’m in the bloody middle of it.  Luckily my new friends here down-unda have taught me the ways of “too easy”.  Relax… Breathe… Too Easy Mate.  Okay… here we go… (You like all these Aussie terms I keep throwing in? More to come you seppo!)

It all started when I left Israel in late February.  I felt awful for leaving my brothers but the situation back home was more important.  They all understood and were supportive.   I got e-mails from every one of them saying they would have done the same thing.  I contacted the owners and was also greeted with support.  I could tell they were a bit upset because I was just starting to play well and had helped them to 2 recent victories.  The old “what have you done for me lately”… and I had done for them lately.

When the Australia opportunity came up, I knew Israel would be confused and possibly upset.  I left the team for personal reasons but was now headed somewhere else to play? Well, not exactly.  But to them, I can see how it looked that way.  The real issues started when the Australian Basketball Association issued a release request to Israel 3 weeks after I left.  This was a mistake because they knew I was still under contract and I asked them to wait until after the Israeli season concluded.  They did not listen and followed their protocol of asking for the release.  That letter opened a HUGE can of worms and started a ton of drama.

The Israeli team immediately denied the release.  They thought I was already in Australia and had basically left Israel to head to Australia.  They were furious.  I talked to a couple of the players and they mentioned that the owners were pissed at me and felt betrayed.  This was obviously not my intention.  To me, it was just another cool opportunity to play the game I love in another cool location.

I consulted my agent and was told that I was automatically released once the Israel season was over.  So I headed to Australia without my release.  Too easy.  The Israeli regular season was concluding April 10th and with playoffs, was officially over April 19th.   I arrived in Australia on April 19th.  Perfect.  I figured things would work themselves out as they always do.  The night I landed in Gladstone we had practice.  I got to meet the team and jet-lagged my way through the workout.  My role was about as opposite as possible from Israel.  I was brought in to score, defend, and most importantly, lead.  My role is Israel was more cheer, set screens, and most frustratingly, stress about not playing.  The funny part is that the level of players is very comparable... I'm just in a better situation here.

The next day we headed to a preseason game.  The other American import Kevin Gaines and I were not allowed to play because of visa issues.  We were told this before we came, so it was no surprise.  I won’t go into detail about the game but we did play against a sort of celebrity MichaelKingma aka. Captain Tarfful – The Wookie from Star Wars - Return of the Sith. He is very ugly and quite awkward… in case you were wondering.

Our visas got sorted out quickly and the next weekend we were allowed to play. We had two games in a span of about 16hrs. We had to drive 5hrs for the 1st game and then immediately drive 3hrs, sleep, and play again at 12:30 pm… against the same team.  It was some sort of sponsorship obligation by the other team, so we decided to make the drive to get a few extra games.  Unfortunately, we lost both games. We didn’t have our full squad and it was the first time we actually got to play together.  I had decent stats but didn’t shoot well in the first game… 19pts 7rebs 4assts.   

The next morning we woke up, ate, drove to the stadium, and started to warm up.  I was a bit tired after playing 37minutes the night prior… a far stretch from my 13mins per game in the Motherland.   The first play of the game, I caught the ball, jab stepped and drove past my defender.  The opposing post, former UCLA player Travis Reed stepped up to defend me.  I tried to jump but my left ankle completely buckled on his foot.  Insane pain ripped through my foot immediately and I was on the floor quicker than a fat kid chasing the candy of a broken piñata.  It was brutal.  I have never actually sprained my ankle before.  I tried to stand up but couldn’t.  My teammates helped me off the court and I was almost sure I had broken my ankle.  Fortunately, after the initial shock, I was able to stand and put a bit of pressure on it.  I even tried to get back into the game but after a few times up and down, I just couldn’t perform.  I sat behind the bench with my foot in a bucket of ice for the rest of the game. 

The official season didn’t start for another two weeks so I had time to heal and get my release.  The next few days were filled with icing, rest, and lots of NBA playoffs (NBA ticket online thanks to SammyVert aka. The best Jewish freestyle rapper that I know...watch below).  As usual, I pushed the injury every time I felt a bit better.  I went to the gym and shot free throws, did pushups and calf raises until failure.  I cleaned up the back garage and made a little weight room so I could stay in shape.  I wanted to be back on the court immediately. 

I somehow was back on the court for the next weekend’s final preseason game. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have played because it only delayed my full recovery but I’m too competitive to sit out.  I had my ankle taped and also wore a massive ankle brace to protect it.  It literally felt like a cast.  I didn’t actually decide to play until about 30mins before the game.  I hit my first shot … a step back fade away.  The adrenaline kicked in and I ended up playing 34mins.  The game was close down to the wire.  I was hobbling the entire game.  I got the ball with 16 seconds left, down by 1.  I was being guarded by a former members of the National Championship Kansas Jayhawks, Roderick Stewart.  To be honest, at this point I don’t care who you are or where you played … we are in the same league now… so la di da who you “were”…  I’m Zach… I’m 28 and kinda slow… I do yoga… I eat salads… I’m white… and I will hit a jump shot right between your eyes if you mess with me!  I jabbed to the right and took a hard dribble left at the top of the key.  Stewart stepped back a bit and I teed up the shot.  The release felt great until Stewart’s hand tapped my elbow… making the ball fade left and miss the rim.  I yelled and flung my arms in the air.  The ref blew a late whistle once she saw my arms wailing in the air… I believe I was nominated for an academy award shortly after the game.  3 shots… down 1… 12.3 seconds left.  I hit the first with a swish. The second one rimmed in and out.  The pressure is on.  Front rim, back rim, BUCKET!… up by 1.  They inbound the ball and head down the court.  Our stifling defense knocks the ball away and the clock runs out.  We win 72-71.  Great game!   Again, I had roughly 20pts.

With one week to go before our first game, the pressure was on to get my official release from Israel.  The reason they have this rule in place is so that international players don’t abandon contracts to join other teams.  I agree with the rule to an extent but only if applied fairly and logically.  My situation was illogical.  Tivon had denied my release twice.  They said I was under contract until May 30th even though the season was over April 19th, meaning, they were holding me hostage until the arbitrary date on the contract passed.  I don’t even know where this date came from and I wasn't given a copy when I signed in September 2011. 

It didn’t make sense why they weren’t releasing me.  I figured they were just upset at me that I left and wanted to punish me for my actions.  I contacted the eligibility council in Israel to ask if Tivon gave a reason.  They e-mailed me back immediately and said: “you are still under contract.”  So, that was it?  They wouldn’t sign a single paper allowing me to play because I am still “under contract” to a team that isn’t playing anymore?  Something was fishy.

I decided to call the owners and see what was going on.  Because of the language barrier, I knew I needed to be careful not to offend them.  If I didn’t keep my cool, I wouldn’t get my release.  Initiate – fake suck up mode! I practiced all through college with my teachers but hadn’t used the approach in years.  How do you think I got all A’s… we all know I’m not the brightest helicopter in the toaster oven.   I spoke with the infamous Zvitka for about 10 minutes.  Mind you this is the same man who once told our team to “make sure to wipe our buttholes with toilet paper and then flush the toilet paper down the toilet to avoid overflowing the toilet.”  I shit you not… pun intended.

The conversation was insane.  He started rattling off expenses that he thought I owed him; from rent to licenses, to lost games.  Yep, he told him I owed him money because we lost games after I left.  Now let’s be honest here.  These aren't the brightest business cats.  They don’t charge admission to games and have no sponsors to help fund the team. The important part of the conversation was making sure he knew I didn’t get to Australia until April 19th.  By the end of the conversation, he said “I believe we will grant the release but I need to speak to the other owners.”  I was relieved but knew it wasn’t done yet. Just like when I waited 5 weeks for an apartment, he told me to call him back "tomorrow". I called him back two days later and he said “I spoke with ALL the other owners and we need to be repaid the money you owe us.” Money I owe you?  I explained to him that there is no way I owe any money because everything was paid for in my contract.  I also reminded him that they saved money by not having to pay me the last two months of the season and didn't buy me a flight home, which covered the “costs.”   He demanded I speak to the other owners.

I called or e-mail the other four owners. 

These were the responses:

Owner 1: “Of course you should be released.  I didn’t even know you were in Australia. Congrats! We cannot hold you hostage like this.”

Owner 2: “I think what you did was wrong and I don’t want to help you ever.  Within months we will all forget you were ever here.”

Owner 3: “I cannot see the release happening without X amount of money paid.”

Owner 4: “You will never play in Israel again because we will tell other teams what you did.”

I was blown away.  I was offended.  I was sickened. What exactly did I "do"? I left a team I barely played for to attend to an emergency.  For those who know why I left, they never once asked how things were back home.  It was all about money for them… an easy way to make a few bucks.  There was NO WAY I was paying them a dime… or a shekel. 

Finally, my Israeli agent sent me a copy of my contract.  I won’t quote the legal document but it basically said I was free after the last game of the season and that the team could not demand money for my release.  It literally had a full paragraph explaining this.  Nowhere on the contract did it say May 30th.  It appeared they were trying to pull a fast one on me. 

I e-mailed the contract to the Australian Association and asked them to override Israel and grant my immediate release.  They forwarded the info to FIBA, the International Federation of Basketball, for review.  FIBA sent a letter to Tivon asking for a signed copy of my contract or I would be released immediately.  At that point, I thought the whole ordeal was done because I know how lazy Tivon is and they would never take the time to actually send them the contract.  Well, I was wrong.  They sent over the signed contract within the hour.  The confusing part was that they sent a copy in all Hebrew and had May 30th dated on page number 5.  It was a 7 page PDF file. The first page of the PDF showed an English version of that same Hebrew page 5. My initials were on each page (other than the English page, which comes into play later) and my signature was at the end of the contract.  SHIT BALLS!  I must have been so excited about getting the first pro contract that I signed the Hebrew version only.  I had no recollection of what I signed.  It looked like I dug my own grave by not knowing exactly what the contract said.  I guess I trusted my agent to explain things to me and got caught up in the madness of the experience.  I was devastated and didn’t know what else to do.  They literally had a signed contract stating I wasn’t allowed to play anywhere else until May 30th.

The team in Australia was very supportive during the entire ordeal.  They were with me the whole time but after seeing this contract realized I wasn't going to be able to play for the first 5 games of the season.  They accepted the situation and the team started preparing for life without me.  I was embarrassed and noticeably stressed about everything.  I needed to fix the situation ASAP.

My dad once told me I should be a lawyer.  He said I have great conviction and a unique ability to respond and adapt to any situation.  I've watched a few Law & Order episodes so I put my lawyer cap on.  How could I prove I was free to play anywhere even though there was a signed contract stating otherwise? And who did I actually need to plead my case to?  When I was working sales in Philadelphia, I quickly learned two very important things; ask ONLY the "decision making" to make a decision and be the first person to contact them on the given day you want the decision. 

FIBA is located in Geneva, Switzerland, 8hrs behind us here in Australia.  I decided I would contact FIBA directly and send my case to the person actually in charge.  I didn't tell the Australian team I was doing this because I didn't want them thinking I like to sidestep authority. Well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Enough of these middlemen who weren't getting anything accomplished.  On Friday (5/11), I wrote a detailed plea explaining why I should automatically be released.  My mental state was of the distraught Jim Carrey in LIAR LIAR trying to find a loophole into a seemingly black and white case.  

The main issue that myself and FIBA had was not being able to read the actual Hebrew contract.  I realized that the English version, whether it was a direct translation or not, stated my release.  Also, the one English page Tivon sent with the Hebrew version, was not initialed by me, meaning they never actually explained what the contract meant, hence the May 30th was irrelevant.

In my statement, I wrote something similar to… The date on the Hebrew contract is completely arbitrary. The season ended April 19th.  Notice the one English page is not initialed by me.  I cannot speak or read Hebrew.  How can they hold my rights after the season is done?  Attached is the English version of the contract… Also, they are trying to get me to pay them money for the release, which according to the English contract, is illegal.

It was my last chance unless I decided to actually pay them money.  I sent the e-mail at 7 am Swiss time (3 pm Australian).  I wanted it to be fresh in the inbox first thing in the morning.  The Basketball Gods delivered the e-mail right on time.  Two hours later I received an email from the head of legal affairs and transfers explaining that without a rebuttal of the facts stated, I would be released automatically 5/13/2012.  It also implied that Israel knew they were doing something illegal and warned of future repercussions in the events additional actions pursued.  The e-mail was sent to my agent, the Israeli eligibility officer, the Australian Association, and two other people from FIBA.  I definitely got their attention.

Israel did not respond by the deadline and I was automatically released on 5/14/2012. I literally started yelling with excitement!  It had been overwhelmingly stressful thinking that I could possibly be sent home because of this past contract. Unfortunately, I missed the first game, but the ordeal is finally over.

So, here I am.  Actually ready to play my first game in Australia this Saturday.  I am a free man and beyond blessed to have another opportunity to play.  The team, ownership, and coaches were incredibly supportive and I can't wait to get on the court.

This whole situation made me realize how important it is to treat people well.  It also made me realize that you can’t rationalize with irrational people. Schmucks.    

p.s. The best part of all of this is that Nicolette gets here in two days!  :)