Letting Go

Change is inevitable.   Change comes in all forms.  There is conscious change and unconscious change.   Sometimes nature surprises you with change and sometimes you surprise yourself with change.  This week I surprised the hell out of myself with change.  I change my entire life focus and my entire outlook on what is important.  This week is monumental in many ways.  On Sunday, March 4th, I decided not to go back to Israel, in turn, ending my 27-Year-Old Rookie season.  Why the change? I guess there are many reasons; some of which I can explain and some that are indescribable.  Sometimes you just need to let go...

So what does this mean for me?  I have no idea.  All I know is I am okay with the decision. I live for a change.  I enjoy the excitement of the unknown... most of the time.  For those of you that have followed my journey from the start may understand.  I started this mission as a test.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could accomplish the goal of playing professional basketball.  I did that.  Then what?  What happens when you have accomplished a goal?  Can you objectively look at your circumstances and be honest with yourself?  Can you let go of your idea of something and realize the truth? Do you continue because your ego says you need more? Or do you objectively look at the goal as a singular event that helped shape your Being and move on? I chose the latter.  I feel I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish. But Zach, how is that? Didn’t you just blog about your frustrations with your coaches, living situation, and pay? Weren't you the one that recently questioned your reasons for being there and how you weren't able to overcome the seemingly small annoyances of a new culture?  What brought on the new, profound, and almost 180® switches?  It’s quite simple actually… I gained perspective.

I gained perspective by being away from the situation and realizing what is really important in life.  Being “out of the bubble” if you will.   Most of you know I recently took a leave of absence from the team in order to go home to see family.  It’s actually a great story in itself… but I don’t want to go into great detail at the moment.  Basically, there was a situation that needed to be taken care of. 

I found myself unable to focus on the last two weeks in Israel.  My mind and heart were not in what I was doing.  I was mentally somewhere else.   The players and coaches knew something was wrong.  This coming right after I finally had my chance to play.  In the last two games, I averaged 18pts 4assts 3rebs while shooting 6/6 3’s 6/7 2’s in only 21mins per game.  I was on fire and finally proving I was an elite player in the league.  Then all of a sudden, my mind went numb.  My last game in Israel I had 0pts in 20mins.  I fell hard on my shoulder and was unable to get in a rhythm.  My mind was at home and I knew I needed a break to refresh.   That night I went online and bought a ticket.  The coaches and management were supportive of the refresh.

I went home and had an amazing time with family.  My brother, his wife and my girlfriend came in to visit as well.  It was perfect.   To say the least, we overwhelmed my parents with love.  Plus we got to have Noodle House and Taco John’s… life doesn’t get much better.   It was much needed for everyone.  We even got to spend my parent’s 35th wedding anniversary together… WATCH HERE!   During my trip I stayed in touch with everyone in Israel and was planning my return for March 4th.  I had my ticket already and was excited to get back with fresh legs and a new mindset. 

Sunday came quickly and my dad and I headed to the Cedar Rapids airport.  It started to snow heavily and we were forced to drive very slowly.   Looking back now, it was an obvious sign from nature of what was about to happen.   We sat in silence, crawling on Highway 218 at 45mph.  My dad randomly turned to me and said “So, are you ready to go back?”  I laughed it off and said “focus on the road daddio.”

What happened next, I can’t explain.  A seed was planted.  It was Inception.  It wasn’t about what he said; it was about me being honest with myself.  My mind started racing as I asked myself the question “do I actually want to go back?”  I started to think about and analyze ever moment I experienced in Israel.   I even started to think about my preparation for the journey and how hard I worked.  I thought back to my morning workouts… my personal training sessions… my hours of sprints… the hours of shooting by myself.   I thought back to my first tryout in Florida and the excitement I felt when I was told I made it.  Then the disappointment of not getting a contract…  Then the elation of them saying there was a chance… Then the agency controversy…  Then the trip to Israel without a contract… Then the tailbone injury at my first tryout… the realization I may not get to play… then the excitement of my first contract offer… then the disappointment of not getting playing time… then the stolen computer and passport… then the shoulder injury… then finally the chance to play… then the jubilation of scoring 23 points… then the last game of 0 points… I thought and thought about my personal roller coaster.  Did I actually want to go back to the madness?

I wish I could explain how quickly my mind works and how I believe to follow nature’s signs.  The basketball didn’t seem important anymore.  Things back home needed to be dealt with.  To be honest, the basketball may never have been as important to me as I thought.  The experience of the journey and knowing I could accomplish this goal was what was important.  My focus had changed in an instant.  It actually may have changed a long time ago, but my perspective wouldn’t allow myself to be honest with myself.  In 25 minutes I literally changed my entire life.  There was overwhelming energy telling me not to go back.  I almost feel like I had no control.  Whether it was God, Nature, Self, lack of sleep, Taco Johns or destiny … I could not physically go back to Israel at that moment.  My heart was at home.  I walked up to the ticket counter and literally said "I am supposed to go to Israel tonight... can I go to Philadelphia instead?"  The agent looked at me and said, "are you serious?"  I took a deep breath, looked around, looked inside, and replied, "Yes, Philly please."  And that was that.

This isn’t the first time I have followed my gut… followed this energy.  When I was coaching after college I was offered a Graduate Assistant position in Omaha.  It would have been a great stepping stone for my coaching career.  I had an overwhelming feeling to leave coaching and move to Philadelphia.  Philly lead me to the love of my life.  How can I question that decision?  I can’t.  I believe Nature has a plan for all of us and I try and follow the path. 

There is more to the story that I don’t want to get into but this is the gist of my decision.  I have a good feeling of opportunity will arise.   I will write again soon to explain how I told the team, management, and coaches.  They were all very supportive (to my face via E-mails).

Will I regret this decision?  Maybe.  Will I have another opportunity to play? Hopefully. What’s next for the 27/28 Year Old Rookie? No clue.  Is the next blog called the 28 Year Old Sophomore? The 28-Year-Old Entrepreneur?  The 28-Year-Old Phillies Starting 3rd Basemen. Sure... why not?  I’m excited and optimistic that Nature will lead the way.  So, that's it... the rookie season has ended.  To everyone involved, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.  To the coaches, management, players, and friends who have supported my dreams, I am forever grateful.  I challenge everyone reading this to follow their passion.  I challenge everyone to attempt something they feel impossible.  I have lived it and I am proud to say it was all worth it. 

Much Love,

            Z

I will be seeing you soon  :)